Interlude 1: The two years in between
The metaphorical hibernation that I need in the midst of the pandemic
Returning to the UK earlier this month felt like waking up a two-year long deep sleep. It’s as if I was suddenly thrusted back to the original universe that I’m supposed to reside in. Just when I thought I was picking up from where I’ve left off back in April 2020, the things that happened in those two years in between started settling into my consciousness.
To put in better words, these two years in between felt like a much-needed hibernation — there’s the mental reset (from the change of scenery) and there’s also the time for renewal. It’s like a deep sleep where subtle transformation had been gradually taking place.
Once my consciousness kicked back in I’ve realised how drastically the world & myself had shifted. Within those 2 years I have….
Completed my Undergrad degree (2020)
Took a gap year (2021)
Started my Postgrad studies (early 2022)
Read nearly 600 books
Fully vaccinated
There had been both the stillness and the turbulence in my metaphorical hibernation, but I cannot deny that these 2 years in between had been a transformative time for me - for I only get to understand myself better in depth when I have the time to recharge & process the deeper currents of my thoughts.
Here are a few things I’ve learnt about myself over the past 2 years:
My bookish preference fluctuates with time. Back in 2020, I thought I’m exclusively a fantasy person but eventually I found even more love with the general storytelling aspect in reading. Because of this, I became now more willing to branch out to a broader range of books.
That ignoring pain / pretending things are okay (when it’s actually not) its never a healthy option to process emotional hardships & trauma.
It’s very important to find things to keep yourself grounded and take things easy when you’re facing a lot of uncertainties in life. Self-care will also be even more important.
It’s okay to ask for help! That’s the point of having a healthy support network: having people whom you could confide in without the fear of feeling judged.
(Some of you probably know about this) I had a big realisation about my “incubated” obsessions: who they are and why this happens. There’s an astrology pattern amongst the people I couldn’t unsee in the back of my mind and this also happens when I spent too much energy pretending that everything’s fine (when I was actually burning out). It just shows how much is left to be desired with how I was managing my mental health.
And finally, it’s very important to take things easy and give yourself some time to properly relax!
The harder that I thought of my metaphorical hibernation, but more lucid the past 2 years became. I’ve enjoyed plenty of wonderful book & music releases that I wouldn’t had the opportunity to sit down and enjoy if I didn’t have the 2 years to properly slow down:
Books
Middlegame by Seanan McGuire
Piranesi by Susanna Clarke
The Poppy War by R.F. Kuang
The Mask of Mirrors (and its sequel) by M.A. Carrick
The Ocean At The End Of The Lane by Neil Gaiman
Surprisingly out of the 600-ish books that I’ve read in the last 2 years, this list came to me quite effortlessly.
I was recommended Middlegame by an online friend of mine and to her prediction I highly enjoyed it! Not only the book is engaging to read, it’s eye-opening to realise how the two different disciplines (humanities & STEM) have things in common - the universal themes that makes us human. Similarly Piranesi also harnests superb storytelling in conveying the universality of being human. Finally, The Ocean At The End Of The Lane cleverly juxtaposes between childhood and adulthood in its immersive story. I feel like books with figurative done right are like this: there’s the story to tell, life lessons to learn, and plenty of things to think about. And in that way reading these are life-changing to me - as the books challenged me to think beyond my comfort zone.
As of the two other books, The Poppy War and The Mask of Mirrors what really stood out to me from other high fantasy books that I’ve read over the years is the depth of worldbuilding: not only there’s the immersive factor of getting into the books, there’s also nuance in how the story is written - you can tell that the themes explored in the books are deeply rooted from the experiences in real life (for example the parallel between The Poppy War and the 20th Century Chinese History, and in The Mask of Mirrors the communication gap between different cultural backgrounds even in a culturally diverse place). These two books are prime examples of why I love well-written high fantasy books in the first place.
Music
Dedicated Side B by Carly Rae Jepsen
folklore by Taylor Swift (also evermore and the re-recordings)
Jubilee by Japanese Breakfast
Sling by Clairo
You Signed Up For This by Maisie Peters
The Kick by Foxes
My music listening habit changed dramatically over time. Perhaps this is due to the perk of subscribing to Spotify Premium, I’ve been listening to albums in its entirely and songs in order (rather than listening to a random song from a new album release). And because of this, I’ve started to appreciate the musical artist’s artful choice of attaining flow in their LP’s.
First of all, shoutout to Taylor Swift for being so prolific. She wrote folklore and evermore from scratch in the midst of the pandemic. And then she also re-recorded two albums (Fearless and Rec) that includes a handful of high quality vault tracks (i.e. the previously unreleased songs). I can’t wait to see what she’s going to do in the coming year!
On the poppier side, I’ve really enjoyed Dedicated Side B and The Kick. There used to be this stereotype that upbeat sounding music lack depth but no - listening to Carly and Foxes’ albums made me realise that the upbeat sound is like the torch in the midst of the darkness: no matter how bleak it seems, there’s always hope if you know where to look!
In 2021, there are two heartfelt albums that I love that focus on healing and processing grief. They are Sling and Jubilee. Clairo’s 2021 opus is an acoustic but also a nuanced record of songs about healing. While Japanese Breakfast’s joyous 3rd LP is an album about finding joy after processing grief / trauma.
And finally, my favourite album of 2021 is definitely You Signed Up For This. This might be Maisie’s debut studio album but her songwriting and storytelling skills are stellar: the tales of growing up, heartbreaks, and the journey of self-awareness. Not to say, I also started becoming aware of how long I had been away from London when I was listening to the album in full.
Playlist: Divine Awakening
Well, the right words suddenly came to me a few hours ago (so I didn’t have the time to just put a new playlist on the whim) but personally coming out of this metaphorical deep sleep is in a sense a Divine Awakening. It marks the time of spiritual growth and a new chapter of my life.
If there’s anything that I’ve learnt from my life lessons, it’s that a lot of changes happen for a very good reason and the healthiest way forward is to listen more closely to your intuition (i.e. if I need to emotionally process something the last thing I need is to pretend everything is okay).
And I think this playlist that I’ve compiled last summer (it’s a playlist inspired by Hall of Smoke by H.M. Long) now makes a lot of sense now - I needed the time for renewal and I’m grateful that I get to have that in the past 2 years (despite the uncertain times).
Wrapping up
If you’re like me and have a tendency of repressing emotions / making yourself a bit too busy, I hope this entry will inspire you to make healthier decisions for yourself: having the time to recharge is essential so that you’ll have the opportunity to seek renewal & focus on self-growth.